what they don't wanna talk when they talk about the L-word

Okay so before you read this you need to make sure that you’re in a clear mind, and aren’t in a hopeless romantic or heartbreak state.

What do you think of when you consider the word ‘love’?

Yeah, Love.

It’s a strong word, a pure word, an overrated / underrated word, a lame word, sweet word, or even bullshit word.

It’s subjective, I agree.

But what’s the definition of love itself?

What is it? Is it a verb, is it a noun?

Like seriously, what is the meaning of this word?

This is what I got from https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/love

Noun

-          A strong feeling of affection

-           A strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone

-          Affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf

-          A formula for ending an affectionate letter:

-          A personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.

-          Great interest and pleasure in something

-          [count noun] A person or thing that one loves

-          British informal A friendly form of address

-          informal Used in affectionate requests

-          (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil: ‘love fifteen’

verb

[WITH OBJECT]

-           Feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone)

-          Like or enjoy very much

There are so many definition you can find there. Each one makes sense if you think normally (read: like most people do).

Still, what is it in general? Who discovered that word for the very first time?

Anyway, this what I’m thinking:

People always say they love something, or they have love, even when they have no idea what love actually is.

Let me break it down for you. Let’s take the phrase: I LOVE YOU, or I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU.

What does it mean?

You like their appearance, you like their mind?

You like the way they make you feel?

You like their smile?

You like that they can kiss away your pain?

Then why not just say that?

You need someone to cure your loneliness?

You need someone to tend your wounded heart?

You need someone to fill in your emptiness?

You need a someone to talk about everything, because everything seems empty?

Then why not just say that?

You crave affection?

You crave human touch?

You crave sex?

You crave mental or spiritual connection?

Then why not just say that?

Why use the L word, instead of saying exactly what you mean?

To make it simple? To make it sound sweet, or bitter?

Okay, so maybe some people are aware of what they think and feel, but many aren’t.

Have you ever heard phrases like: love is subjective; love is indescribable; you can not define love, it defines you; and many others?

Here’s my theory:

Love, is not something that can not be described. It’s a word that someone created to define something they don’t know.

They’ve felt something, something that they found it hard to describe in just one word, so then they called it love.

And then it became an illusion, delusion, fantasy, imagination, even misconception.

Alright, alright.. You might think, “That’s a cynical theory, that’s just a conclusion you make going through heartbreak.”

No. It’s not.

Okay, what about when your friendship, relationship, or marriage is solid and lasts a long time. Isn’t that love? Something that proves if it does exist.

You may think that you love them, but what if in fact you just don’t want to be alone? What if you’re afraid of facing everything by yourself, you’re afraid of fighting alone in this life, you simply need someone as we are social creatures?

Aristotle said, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a God.”

You think you love your friends, but maybe it’s just you feel at home with them, like that you’ve gotten along for a few years, enjoy the good vibes, and simply don’t want to lose what you have.

You think you love your partner, but maybe you like that they provide a piece that you lack, that they make you feel a little more whole. Maybe they distract you from feelings of emptiness, maybe they keep you from facing isolation. Maybe they satisfy your cravings for someone to touch your body, your soul, or both.

C’mon. What about family, the most importantly, your parents?

Let’s be realistic.

They made us. They ‘made love’ (why do they call it that anyway?).

You know some people, couple –hetero or gay-, with their own particular reasons, want to have children. Some have to wait and have faith in their endeavour, some don’t have to try so hard, and some –without planning and pretention- are just blessed to have God trusting them and putting a baby (or babies) in their belly.

So after all above, your mother became pregnant. She then carried you for nine months, and if you’re the luckiest, your father (or your mom's partner) was there too taking care of your mom’s needs. Then you were born. They’re happy, and they call it love.

Okay I’ll be nice this time, you can call it love.

But I’m still going to give you another explanation, and you can take it or leave it.

Your parents care about you, because they’ve been through a lot to make you, you.

They stayed up all night just to make sure you slept well, and weren’t left hungry.

They worked hard to give you the best nourishment they could, and provide you with the best education.

They taught you to speak, to walk, to handle life.

They even gave you their ideas, moral values, family pride, and religion.

Because they didn’t want to fail as parents.

Because they didn’t want you to fail in life, and fail as parents for their grandchildren, great grandchildren, and so on.

Because they care.

Why? Because you are in their life, you are part of their life, and vice versa.

This caring is a powerful thing, that can break or develop anything.

Too long of an explanation? I know. But it is what it is.

Ok so here what I’m saying:

I just don’t understand.. Why are people still labeling something they don’t know, with a word they can’t even describe?

If you know what you’re thinking or feeling, then say just as it is.

Don’t use the L-word just to make it ‘simpler’.

In fact, using such a subjective word doesn’t make it simple at all, but instead much more complicated for everyone involved.

Don’t intentionally create a fantasy or illusion for someone/something, by using that word.

And what screw people the most is when we start using the L-word as tool to get what we want,

because after all we have to admit it, that Love is such a powerful word.

I guess that’s the beauty and horror in it, right? A meaningless yet powerful word.

I used to believe in my own fantasy, eventually, just like Scott Neustadter said through the Summer Finn character he built:

“There’s no such thing as love.”

But if you don’t know or can’t describe what you feel and think,

it’s still your choice to use your words wisely.

Only use words that you truly understand,

then make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say.

 -AGN-

Been kept in my brain since 2012

Written in my laptop on Dec 1^st 2016, 07.10 WITA

Published on July 29^th 2017, 19.55 WITA

Ps: research takes times. ;)